By BILL HUFFMAN

Gary McCord always has been from a different planet, which is why human beings don’t take him too seriously when he wishes for what some consider the inevitable.

“I’ve always wanted to be a dead body,’’ McCord tells his inquisitor with a laugh that borders on mad scientist/the Nutty Professor.

“In fact, I’m dying to be a dead body!’’

McCord may or may not get his "death wish'' Thursday night (Jan. 21) when “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation’’ delves into the world of professional golf in its latest segment – “Long Ball.’’ The made-for-TV mystery that airs at 8 p.m. (Arizona time) on CBS (Channel 5) revolves around a legendary golfer whose body is discovered during a high-profile tournament.

As we all know, McCord, a part-time Champions Tour player who does golf commentary for CBS and also lists “author and actor’’ on his resume, never was really “legendary.’’ But always the fun-loving comedian, he has made a lot of connections through the game and the TV/movie industry which is why he’s adding “CSI’’ to his portfolio.

According to McCord, who once taught Kevin Costner how to play golf and earned a small role in the movie “Tip Cup,'' the opportunity with CSI came about through the AT&T Classic at Valencia, Calif., when he was paired in the pro-am with CSI producers Louis Milito and Billy Petersen, who once starred in the series.

“I told them about my dream role of being a dead body, and they invited me to their studio, which was about a half hour from the golf course,’’ McCord related. “So every time I’d be in Valencia after that, I’d go over and hang out at the studio, meet the cast and their special-effects guy, and just remind them that I wanted to be a dead body on TV someday.’’

Time passed, and McCord got over his fetish to lie in the morgue. When CSI moved its studios, McCord figured his chances to be a corpse were out the window. But one day, Milito called McCord, and the magical moment was back.

“Louis said, ‘I told you I’d get you on.’ He remembered that I wanted to be a dead body on TV, which was kind of nice of him,’’ said the 61-year-old McCord. “The only drawback was, it takes about four days on the set to be a dead body – I’m not making this up! – and I only had two days to do the shoot.’’

Whether or not McCord gets his wish, well, tune in for that piece of the macabre Thursday night. But either way it’s going to be a "golfy'' kind of night on CSI as McCord will be joined by CBS sidekick David Feherty and PGA Tour players Rocco Mediate and Duffy Waldorf, as well as LPGA star Natalie Gulbis.

marquee look a little strange when you put those golf guys/gal up there with Laurence Fishburne (Dr. Raymond Langston), Marg Helgenberger (Catherine Willows), Nick Stokes (George Eads) and special guest star Jonathan Antin (“Blow Out”)?

So how did the filming go for “Long Ball’’? (And, no, the storyline has nothing to do with John Daly.)

“It was bizarre yet beautiful,’’ said McCord, whose only other appearance on the small screen was in the former HBO comedy series “Arliss.’’

“The only problem during the filming (of CSI) was I had to share a trailer with Feherty, and that’s not right. . . . At the same time, I’m playing myself, which was fairly easy. I’m still pretty good at that, and really, that’s the only person I can hide behind these days is myself.’’

So why does McCord get caught up in the Hollywood thing from time to time instead of working on his golf or maybe teaching the game at the Kostis-McCord Learning Center at Grayhawk Golf Club?

“It’s a little pump to (the ego), and if you’re marketing yourself – and, really, who else is going to market me? – it enhances the Gary McCord brand,’’ he said chuckling at the thought. “But mostly, my four granddaughters think it’s cool to watch grandpa on TV.’’

Asked if he planned to hold a CSI party at his home in Scottsdale, McCord said, “You never know.’’ Just don’t expect his wife, Diane, to be on hand, he added.

“Really, I don’t know what to expect because I haven’t seen the final version. I don’t even know if I did a good job (acting) or not. I asked Diane if she wanted to watch it with me, and she said she was going out and told me to tape it.’’

But chances are McCord, who lists his favorite shows on his website as "CSI'' and "Vegas,'' will be in the middle of his buddies at Whisper Rock Golf Club, where all the TVs will be turned to CBS. Either that or he really might be home alone.

“It’s not a big role, but I do get about two paragraphs of continuous dialogue,’’ McCord reported. “Actually, when I finally read my lines, Feherty and Rocco bet me $100 that I couldn’t do them in one take without gagging.

“As it turned out, I did get it all out with a glitch the very first time, but when I went to ‘throw it’ to another (actor), I threw it to the wrong person like a choking dog. But I did get the lines out without blowing them, so I’m not paying either Feherty or Rocco no matter what they say.’’

Perhaps a little bit surprisingly, the only subject that’s off limits for McCord these days is Tiger Woods. “I can’t talk about Tiger, but everything else is fair meat,’’ he said.

It’s hard to believe that the cat’s got McCord’s tongue, especially from a guy who was barred from the Masters for pointing out “body bags’’ and “bikini wax’’ in 1995. But such is the state of the game these days as many of the major news outlets have clammed up over the Woods scandal and subsequent disappearance.

“My tongue has been surgically removed on that subject,’’ said McCord who along with Feherty are the announcers' voices on EA Sports’ Tiger Woods PGA Tour Series.

Instead, Gonzo Gary is gearing up for CBS’ coverage of the newly named Farmers Insurance Open (San Diego), the AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am and the WGC-Accenture World Match Play Championship. In between, he’s planning to play a little golf on the Champions Tour.

“I’m making my 2010 debut at Newport Beach (Toshiba Classic). It’s more or less for giggles,’’ said McCord, who has won twice on the Champions Tour but not since 1999. “It’s a horrendous schedule – five tournaments for the entire season. I guess I’ll have to work out.’’

Yes, being in tip-top shape is a must these days even on the 50-and-over circuit. Sure, the wild-and-crazy McCord wants to be a dead body – but only on TV!